Belfast or Bust

Tom and I have been very fortunate to grow up in households where travel was deemed important and was attainable. I have wonderful memories of idyllic holidays away with my family. Growing up in Vancouver, British Columbia, our chosen holidays usually involved some sunshine! Holidays meant sea, sun and lots of time with our parents who were in 'vacation mode' (arguably the best mode!). Tom's holidays were even more exciting- his family lived the expat life in Brunei so his family holidays were spent all over South East Asia. This theme has continued into our adult lives and it is important to us that our children share a love for travel also.

Very recently, we received the adoption order stating that R and E are officially ours (or rather a part of our family- we know we don't own them...). We decided that we needed to get out of town and celebrate. We have some very dear friends that live up in Northern Ireland and thought October half term would be the perfect time to finally visit them in Belfast.

While our friends and their little baby were the main draw, it was also very convenient that Belfast is a reasonably priced 1 1/2 hour flight away. The children had never flown before, and we were eager to get them in the air to see how they would react. I should also mention that we are desperate for them to be good flyers as we have already booked flights back to Vancouver for the three of us in July (yes three, Tom sadly has a job).

We decided not to tell the children until just a few days before we were due to leave as R can get quite anxious about the unknown. We were correct to do this; he was nervous two days ahead of the holiday. While taking part in the adoption prep course, we were told that most adopted children struggle with things such as this. It was recommended to either give lots of warning (as in weeks), or very little, as we did. Based on R's behavior for those two days (very up and down, unsettled, etc...), we feel we made the right choice. We are very conscious of avoiding an environment where leaving home becomes difficult and overwhelming for the kids, so we will continue to take lots of mini breaks in order to get them used to travelling away from home.

The morning of our flight we had the children help choose what clothes, books and comfort items to pack. R and E like nothing more than a job, so they were very happy to take ownership of the task. Later that afternoon we took the children and Milo for a long walk in the woods to alleviate any last minute jitters.

We took public transit to London City Airport to continue the 'adventure' of the whole day and to my surprise, it was probably quicker than an Uber! The children were mesmerized by the various bits of the journey and were especially impressed by the waiting area at City Airport.

We were able to board first (!) - a very useful perk which helped us get the children settled quickly. Having now benefitted from this, I publicly apologise for my historic thoughts on parents (with children) boarding first! The entire flight was quite uneventful except for when we were ascending, R asked very loudly, 'This not fall out of sky right?'

We purposely chose a flight where we would land at the children's bedtime and after a very exciting day of travel, they were ready for bed, leaving us to catch up with our friends!

The following morning we woke up to the best pancakes I've ever had- the secret apparently, is buttermilk. After breakfast we visited Streamvale Farm, hands down, the absolute best public farm we have been to yet (we have been to quite a few now). As we went just before Halloween, there was a pumpkin patch with tiny wheelbarrows, a carving area WHERE A STAFF MEMBER CARVED YOUR PUMPKIN FOR YOU(!), an oil drum tractor pull, a proper tractor ride, various animals to visit including chicks that you can hold, puppies to pet (they breed various working dogs and this helps to socialize them), as well as the other standard farm animals (pigs, donkeys, goats, sheep, chickens, ducks, and bunnies to name a few). They also had a child sized farm shop role play, bouncy slide and outdoor play area. We were there for easily four hours and, had it not been so chilly, we could have stayed all day. Streamvale Farm, you are amazing.

After the farm we headed to Stormont Park where the Parliament buildings sit. The park is full of walking trails as well as a great play area that had the best climbing frame that I have played on to date as an adult. The big slide was no joke and I had the bruises to prove it. Afterwards we took on some of the walking trails and they were also not a disappointment. Overall Stormont Park was a really nice way to run out whatever energy the children had left. Again, we could have spent the entire day at Stormont Park but we had three children under 5 so we thought we should get them inside a warm home at some point!

The next day we awoke with a hangover (as we are still human and it turns out gin tastes even better when you have kids). Undeterred we hopped in the car and drove to Castle Espie, where we were promised a fry up and ducks for the children to feed. What an understatement that was, I've honestly never seen so many waterfowl in my life (the breakfast was good too)! As the birds are used to having visitors, they were very tame and happy to come right up and eat out of our hands. After we left the ducks, we were able to go for a long walk along the Strangford Lough and into the woods where there were various trails to follow. In complete transparency, we did not get out of the house until just before lunch, so we spent around four hours here and then back home.

The children went to bed around 5pm or so as our flight was scheduled for 6am the next day. Originally we had thought this would be a good time as they tend to be early risers, but it was in a word, shit. We were awake at 4am and it ended up being the longest day of all time. Our one saving grace was that we were still feeling too rough to do anything on our last night so we did have clear heads. As they had already been on a flight 3 days prior, our kids thought they were seasoned flyers. The trip home was less eventful, quite chilled out and overall pretty easy. We did have a few issues with R insisting that only he could pull the suitcase (control) as well as E possibly being a little over tired and only able to focus on winding R up.

We were in our home by 9am and very pleased with how the entire holiday had gone. Both children were well behaved the entire time, particularly R, and we left not having broken anything and welcome to return again soon (or so we think!). Whilst the holiday in itself was a great success, R's behavior quickly deteriorated into some of his most appalling for a few days following. To be honest, I don't necessarily feel comfortable writing about negative things that happen with our children, but this seems to be a common theme with children who have been Looked After. It seemed as though his good behavior quota had been filled and all that we were going to get was what was left- a very angry five-year-old boy. Now, Tom and I are very much amateurs when it comes to parenting, much less parenting children who come from a chaotic past, but the only explanation we can think of is that he had actually felt very unsettled whilst on holiday but was doing his best to keep himself together. Our reasoning behind this is that when we first met the children, R was the perfect gentleman and it wasn't until a few weeks into placement that he began to struggle with behavior. Perhaps he wasn't sure if he would be staying in Belfast with our friends? R has lived with three different families before turning five, so the assumption he may stay seems reasonable.

I'm pleased to confirm that he did right himself about a week later, but it was a struggle for all involved, including his class teacher. What we have learned from this experience is to constantly, whether we think it is warranted or not, talk about forever and future plans with the children. We remind them that they are ours and that we are theirs. It has taught us to remember that even while things may seem smooth and calm above, there may be frantic paddling happening underneath the surface. As I mentioned above, we will continue to go on small breaks but will endeavor to be a bit more intuitive as we go along. We will also remind ourselves that each experience is an opportunity to learn for both sides and that nothing worth having is ever easy.